To Speak of the Silver Wolf

[mutt]

Ever since I was a small child, I have wanted to write fiction, but in recent years, that desire more or less got pushed to the side. After recently exchanging some e-mails with another member of the forum, I got to thinking I might want to try writing fiction again. To my own surprise, I came up with an idea and was able to write it down and make an audio recording of it in a fairly short time. Actually, I think the idea just came together naturally; I didn’t really try to come up with it.

I have written and recorded the first chapter of the story and placed it on the website: www.muttbelove.com/silverwolf.html

I plan to write the story one chapter at a time and get feedback on each chapter. When it is finished, I may put it all together into a book.

At this time, I would like feedback on the first chapter. Are there any technical or legal issues I should address? Do you find the story interesting? What do you like about it? What can I do to improve it?

Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

[auntietonka]

WOW Greg That was awesome! It kept my attention and now I want more LOL. This is an awesome story and you are very good at telling it. BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crispy]

I agree with Pam, it held my attention and now I want more. If you are serious about wanting suggestions then I have a few but I am not an expert so take what you want from it. First I must say I love your descriptive talent. Right from the start I can visualize the area where the train tracks are, you did an excellent job of putting that in my head. I wonder if you should explain more about the dogs being people or vice versa.....I am right aren't I? They are actually humans but with a different form?
The other suggestion I have is when Onyx laid down on the tracks I wasn't sure at first what was wrong so instead of putting "Onyx seemed to be ok......" perhaps you could replace it with something like "the fear finally overtook Onyx or the fear was too much for Onyx or something to show it was fear and not illness (which I thought was the reason) that she laid down.
But other than that I really enjoyed the first chapter and the description of the train racing across the bridge was so good.....ex:when you used the term hodge podge and angry bellow.....that was as Gail would say brilliant!

[mutt]

Pam: Thank you for your response, and I apologize for not acknowledging it as I should have. Every bit of encouragement helps.

Chris: Thank you for your response. That is precisely the kind of feedback I am looking for. A number of people have said they were confused by the main character being a dog person. I have already added some descriptions which will hopefully make it a little easier to picture the dog-people. The part about Onyx lying down on the tracks is something no one else has mentioned, and I agree that it needs work. That change will be included in the next version, which I hope to be able to upload soon.

I’ve also made a few other changes. I eventually realized in reading the descriptions that Albert, my dog-person, didn’t smell anything, so I’ve added some descriptions of scents and smells, and re-worded some of the existing descriptions to emphasize the smells. I’ve also changed a few of the names.

I hope to upload the revisions soon and chapter 2 shortly after that.

[crispy]

I am so looking forward to seeing what you do with revisions and additions....this is so exciting to see a book in the making. And to think we are here to witness the beginning.....don't forget us when you are famous. We have to be included in your acknowledgments at the beginning of the book lol.....